Taking managing expectations off your to do list

I don’t know about you, but I’ve got enough going on without having to manage my expectations. Yet we’re routinely told that to avoid disappointment that’s exactly what we should be doing.  

Recently I’ve realised that the idea is based on a misunderstanding of how the system works… and that expectation and disappointment are not actually linked. 

As Christmas looms or rises on the horizon we can all be forgiven for piling our expectations onto a family reunion as the source of some well-needed solace. However, we all know that family Christmases don’t always deliver, so should we stop with all the festive cheer in case of disappointment? 

Good news first, your expectations can bring you joy and you don’t need to give them up.

The sense of anticipation of something is a standalone benefit of the human system.

We can imagine a moment of happiness in the future where x or y is happening, and our consciousness means we get to experience that sensation of delight in this moment. How wonderful.

This ability to imagine a future, is one of the key features of human consciousness, we create a future out of thought in order to apply our experience and learning to it, explore different scenarios and ultimately bring that future into being. It is part of the human design.

Our expectation or anticipation holds clues from our experience about what we want, or to happen, or think might happen, to aid that process of unfolding, or to protect us, but aside from that it is a pure creation of our thinking, and we experience it through our feelings.

Nothing to manage, just enjoy the moment.

If the expectation itself can’t hurt you, what is there to manage?

The real reason people say you should manage your expectations is to avoid feeling disappointed when it doesn’t turn out how you anticipated. Best not to imagine a rosy future if it is only going to let you down. 

What happens when we find ourself in that future scenario we imagined, and it isn’t how we anticipated or expected. Our disappointment or dissatisfaction is a product of us measuring our well-loved (and made up) expectation against the present moment. As if the future we imagined was fixed, promised to us or the truth somehow and we’ve been short-changed.

We have given the power of our wellbeing to a thought, in this case, our image of the future.

What if that disappointment was just a passing thought, a recognition that the anticipated future and what unfolded weren’t the same. Instead of hanging on to that disappointed thinking, we see it for what it is and get on with whatever is happening now. Getting caught up in comparison is just removing us from our wisdom in this moment.

So please, go ahead, imagine, anticipate and enjoy your creations of the future. But don’t make the mistake of conflating that delicious sense of anticipation as a predictor of the future. When we see it for what it is, a moment of daydream, with some information about what we would like to happen, we don’t need to do anything with it, except enjoy the moment.