Day 19: Love is not a feeling
If we think love is a feeling, then love can seem unpredictable.
Love is now at the perils of our ever-changing minds. It comes and goes as easily as a thought.
But if we reflect for a moment, we all know that isn't the experience we have had of love.
We may love our job, but we don't feel love for it every morning.
We love our friends, but they can frustrate us and the feeling of love can feel far away.
We love our hobbies, but sometimes we just can't be bothered to do them.
We love our children, but sometimes we don't like how they are behaving.
Some good news:
How you feel isn't an indication of how something is going; How well you are doing at your job, how much you enjoy something or how deeply you love someone.
Which means, if you don't feel love for something or someone every so often, that doesn't mean love isn't there.
Love instead comes before thought and thinking about it will bring it life for us. That is how our feelings work. They are our fool-proof guide to knowing what is going on in our minds.
Think of someone you love and you will experience some of those feelings of love right now.
Think of feeling unloved and you will experience some of those feelings of detachment.
Fortunately for us, the potential for love exists beyond our individual thinking and emotions and lies at the human core. It is therefore untouchable to the weather of our minds. It persists through loss, disagreements, change, and suffering. It persists whether we feel it or not.
What we, individually, make of love varies enormously, but the question of love has only one answer.
Yes we love.
We love one another and everything around us when it comes down to it. Because, as Aristotle put it, “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.”
Seeing that love is not just a feeling allows us to look for love when we are lacking in it. Love becomes a constant, not a fluke.
And with Love as a constant we find sure-footing to face the world with power, compassion, ease and resilience.